i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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