he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
