Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
