I just saw a hot homeless man
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
