8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
