..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
