I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
