More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
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