hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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