please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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