I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
