dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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