I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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