his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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