i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
