Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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