do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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