dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
