I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
