I bet he comes in French.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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