Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
