Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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