It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
