She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
