Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
