I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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