i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize