is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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