im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
