OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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