He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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