We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
