Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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