I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
