okay pat passed out under dana's car
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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