Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
