The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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