Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
