Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
