I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
