ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
