is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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