we're making bets on your personal life
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
