it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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