Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
