My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
