I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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