So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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