i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
