Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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