Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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