I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
