i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
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She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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