My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
