The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
