dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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