u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
